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<米國醫生笑話>


米國醫生在醫院常常會互糗對方
有些可能要有點醫療背景才會覺得好笑 XD


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Q: 麻醉科醫生的 A B C 指的是什麼?
(What's ABC of Anesthesiology?)
A: 呼吸道，書，椅子
(Airway, Book, Chair)


Q: 開刀房裡外科醫生和麻醉科醫生中間的分隔單學名叫做什麼?
(How do you call the surgical drape separating the anesthesiologist from the surgeon?)
A: 血腦屏障
(Blood- brain barrier)


Q: 下午三點，醫院裡最危險的地方是哪裡?
(what's the most dangerous place in the hospital at 3pm?)
A: 皮膚科醫生與他的車之間
(between a dermatologist and his car.)


Q: 電梯門快關了，內科醫生會怎麼做?
(What will an internist do when he is trying to catch an elevator?)
A: 用手擋
(He will use his hand)


Q: 電梯門快關了，外科醫生會怎麼做?
(What will a surgeon do when he is trying to catch an elevator?)
A: 用腳擋
(He will use his foot)


Q: 電梯門快關了，骨科醫生會怎麼做?
(What will a orthopedic surgeon do when he is trying to catch an elevator?)
A: 他會用頭擋
(He will stick his head in the closing doors)


Q: 醫學生和大便有什麼差別?
(What's the difference between a med student and shit?)
A: 你不會沒事去踩大便
(You wouldn't step on shit.)


Q: 如何讓外科醫生發笑?
(What makes a surgeon laugh?)
A: 給他看你這禮拜的值班表
(Show him your call schedule this week)


Q: 如何讓皮膚科醫生發笑?
(What makes a dermatologist laugh?)
A: 給他看外科醫生的值班表
(Show him a surgeon's call schedule.)


Q: 外科醫生和神有什麼差別?
(What's the difference between God and a surgeon?)
A: 神不會認為自己是外科醫生
(God doesn't think he's a surgeon)


Q: 皮膚科的秘訣是什麼?
(What's the secret in dermatology?)
A: 如果是濕的，擦乾它。如果是乾的，弄濕它。都不行，類固醇
(If it's wet, dry it. If it's dry, wet it. If all else fails, use steroids.)



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醫生：去看看那位快生的病人。我要你檢查一下她擴張了沒有
Doctor: Go see this patient, she's going into active labour.
I want you to check if she's dilated or not.

醫學生: 呃，好，我去看看
Med Student: Um, okay. I will go check.

醫學生看了病人，檢察了她的眼睛，然後走了回來
Medical student sees patient, checks the patient's eyes, then reports back.

醫學生: 呃，兩個看起來都擴張的挺厲害的
Med Student: Um…I think they both look pretty dilated.

醫生: 兩…個……?
Doctor: ……both?

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一位物理教授在跟一位想考醫學院的學生解釋十分複雜的物理原理，學生突然打斷教授
A physics professor was explaining a complicated concept when a premed
student interrupted him.

"我們為什麼要學這狗屁?"學生憤怒的大叫
"Why do we have to learn this bullshit?" the young man blurted out.

"救人一命" 教授冷靜的回答
"To save lives," the professor replied calmly.

"物理原理哪會救人啊?"
"How does physics save lives?"

"會，物理會救人性命"，教授接著說下去，"這種題目會讓某些人考不進醫學院"
"It does. Physics saves lives," the professor said, "because it keeps
certain people out of medical school."


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(以下是之前分享過的XD)


How do you hide a $100 dollar bill from a general surgeon?
(你要如何從一般外科醫生那裡把100元鈔票藏起來?)
Just put it in the patient's notes.
(放在病人的病歷裡就好了)

How do you hide a $100 dollar bill from an orthopedic surgeon?
(你要如何從骨科醫生那裡把100元鈔票藏起來?)
Just put it in a textbook.
(放在醫學課本裡面就好了)

How do you hide a $100 bill from a CT surgeon?
(你要如何從胸腔外科醫生那裡把100元鈔票藏起來?)
Just paste it to their kid's forehead. He will never see it.
(黏在他小孩的額頭上。他絕對不會發現的)

How do you hide a $100 dollar bill from a plastic surgeon?
(你要如何從整形醫生那裡把100元鈔票藏起來?)
It's a trick question. You can't.
(不好意思，辦不到)

How do you hide a $100 from a radiologist?
(你要如何從放射科醫生那裡把100元鈔票藏起來?)
Put it on the patient.
(放在病人身上)

How do you hide a $100 from an internist?
(你要如何從內科醫生那裡把100元鈔票藏起來?)
Easy, just put it under a dressing.
(很簡單，放在繃帶下)

what do you call 2 medical students looking at a EKG?
(兩個醫學生一起看心電圖叫作什麼?)
a double blind study
(雙盲研究)

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knows everything, does nothing
(什麼都知道，什麼做不了)
Neurologist
(神經科醫生)

knows nothing, does everything
(什麼都不知道，什麼都做)
Surgeon
(外科醫生)

knows nothing, does nothing
(什麼都不知道，什麼都不做)
Psychiatrist
(精神科醫師)

knows everything, does everything but too late
(什麼都知道，但是不管做甚麼都已經太晚了)
A pathologist
(病理醫生)

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A medical student, family doctor, an internist, a surgeon and a
pathologist go duck hunting.
(一個醫學生，一個家庭醫生，一個內科醫生，一個外科醫生，還有一個病理醫生
一起去打獵)

The medical student is the first to raise his shotgun, but unable
to tell if the duck is really a duck, he does not shoot.
(醫學生是第一個舉起獵槍的，但是他沒有開槍.. 因為他無法分別那是否
真的是一隻鴨子)

The family doctor goes "here's a bird", shoots, kills.
He concludes "it looked like a duck, sounded like a duck,
was killed by duck shot, it was a duck!".
(家庭醫生說:?這是鳥科類的動物"，冷靜開槍，殺了動物。
他做了結論:"他看起來像隻鴨子，聽起來像隻鴨子，又被我一槍殺了，他一定是隻鴨"

The internist points his gun, but does not shoot. "This probable
bird certainly looks like a female mallard, but I must be sure of
what I am killing before shooting. A juvenile Mesopotamian sea duck
would look exactly the same!".


The surgeon goes "look, it flies! Boom", then turns to the pathologist
and asks "So, what was it?".
(外科醫生大喊: "大家看，有東西在飛! 碰!"，然後轉身跟身邊的病理醫生說
:" 你幫我看看，那到底是啥玩意兒?")

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小百合的學醫隨筆:)
http://www.facebook.com/lilyfishyfish

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